Health Info > Mental Health Published on : October 18, 2024

What is toxic positivity? How harmful can it be?

Name: Hola Health
Address: Australia
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Written by the editorial staff writer at Hola.
Medically Reviewed by Amira Shah, MA in Counselling Psychology, Registered Psychotherapist.

In a world where we are relentlessly bombarded with messages to ‘stay optimistic’ and ‘focus on the bright side’, it’s easy to fall into the pit of toxic positivity. This concept refers to the well-meaning but misguided notion that we should always put on a cheerful face, even in hard times. While a positive outlook can be encouraging, toxic positivity can suppress genuine emotions and lead to serious psychological distress. Instead of motivating us to accept our true emotions, it often pushes us on a pointless journey to hide our actual feelings, leaving us feeling even more disconnected and misunderstood.

What is considered toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity appears in numerous ways, often through expressions like ‘Just stay positive!’ or At least it’s not that bad!’ These phrases, despite their good intentions, can dismiss true emotions of sorrow, anger, or frustration. Rather than motivating people to process their emotions, toxic positivity compels them to suppress or disregard their experiences. This can generate a misleading belief that feeling anything besides joy is unacceptable.

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Examples of toxic positivity Here are a few common examples of toxic positivity:

“Just be optimistic!”: Suggest that someone ignore their negative emotions instead of addressing them.
“It could be worse!”: Downplaying someone’s struggles by comparing them to more severe circumstances.
“Everything happens for a reason!”: Implies that suffering has a hidden benefit, which can feel invalidating.
“Just think about good things!”: Urging someone to focus on positivity rather than processing their true feelings.
“You will get over it!”: Implying that someone’s distress is momentary and should be overlooked.
“Good vibes only!”: Creating an environment where only positive emotions are welcome, discouraging honest expression of feelings.

These expressions are often intended to help, but they may evoke isolation, guilt, and a lack of support for those dealing with true emotional challenges.

What is the root cause of toxic positivity?

Toxic optimism is frequently caused by an uncomfortable relationship with negative emotions within oneself and others. Society's focus on being cheerful, especially in difficult times, perpetuates the notion that unpleasant emotions such as grief, irritation, or anger are inappropriate or weak. This results in suppressing or rejecting these feelings in favour of forced optimism. Individuals may project toxic optimism onto others because they lack the emotional abilities to deal with discomfort or may openly feel that remaining optimistic is always the best option.

Is toxic positivity narcissism?

Toxic positivity and narcissism are not the same, yet they do share some characteristics. Toxic positivity is defined as excessive and unrealistic optimism that overlooks unpleasant feelings. This can result in a lack of empathy, much like narcissism. However, narcissism is a more complicated personality disorder marked by self-centeredness, a lack of empathy, and a desire for praise. While toxic positivity may come out as dismissive or invalidating of others' feelings, it is not intrinsically manipulative, as narcissistic behaviour often is. Both can be damaging, but they come from different reasons.

Why can toxic positivity be so harmful?

Toxic positivity may be damaging because it invalidates genuine feelings, producing an environment in which people feel compelled to hide their problems. This causes emotional repression, which may aggravate feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and sadness. Instead of fostering real support, toxic positivity promotes a superficial style of contact that inhibits vulnerability and open expression. It can cause individuals to feel guilty for experiencing natural, complicated emotions such as sadness, frustration, or loss, stifling emotional development and healing. This avoidance of bad feelings might also keep people from obtaining the treatment they genuinely require.

Signs of toxic positivity

Signs of toxic positivity include:

Dismissing negative emotions: Ignoring or invalidating feelings like sadness, anger, or frustration.
Overemphasis on positivity: Constantly encouraging a "positive vibes only" attitude, especially in difficult times.
Minimising struggles: Responding to someone's grief or trouble with superficial optimism (for example, "Just stay positive!").
Shaming or guilt-tripping: Making others feel bad for experiencing unpleasant feelings.
Forcing optimism: Encouraging others to see the bright side, regardless of their circumstances.

How to avoid toxic positivity?

Here are ways to avoid toxic positivity:

Acknowledge all emotions: Acknowledge that it is acceptable to experience and express unpleasant emotions.
Empathy: Rather than providing just positive remarks, validate other people's feelings and challenges.
Encourage emotional Honesty: Make room for both happy and negative emotions.
Avoid clichés: When someone is struggling, avoid saying statements like "it could be worse".
Balanced optimism: Instead of denying bad events, focus on constructive optimism that promotes progress.
Provide active listening: Rather than pushing solutions, lend a listening ear when someone shares their difficulties.
Set realistic expectations: Recognise that personal development takes time, and setbacks are inevitable.
Reframe positivity: Change your mindset from "only think positive" to "you can acknowledge the difficulty and still move forward."
Encourage vulnerability: Emphasise the need to discuss one's problems to heal and build resilience.
Self-compassion: When you are experiencing negative feelings, be gentle to yourself; do not push yourself to be cheerful.

Coping

Coping with toxic positivity involves recognizing and validating your emotions rather than dismissing them. Here are some strategies:

Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and validate your emotions. It's acceptable to experience feelings of sadness, anxiety, or being overwhelmed.
Connect with genuine support by reaching out to friends or therapists who can understand and validate your experiences.
Practice kindness towards yourself and recognize that facing challenges is a natural part of being human.
Set boundaries by limiting time with overly positive individuals if their attitude seems dismissive of your feelings.
Create an environment that welcomes the sharing of all emotions, not just the positive ones.
Utilise reflective practices like journaling to process feelings and clarify emotions.
Educate yourself and others about the distinction between healthy positivity and toxic positivity, and share these insights with those around you.
Find a balance by allowing space for both positive and negative emotions, acknowledging that both are part of a healthy emotional landscape.

How do you validate someone’s negative emotions?

Validating someone’s negative emotions involves acknowledging and accepting their feelings without judgment. Here are some ways to do this:

Listen actively: Give your complete attention, make eye contact, and nod to show that you are participating in the conversation.
Use empathic language: Use phrases like "I can see why you feel this way" to show that you understand their feelings.
Avoid minimising: Refrain from using phrases like "It's not that bad" or "Just look on the bright side," as these may invalidate their feelings.
Share similar experiences: When appropriate, sharing a personal experience can make them feel less alone.
Encourage expression: Encourage them to talk about their emotions and let them know that it's okay to express what they are going through. Making eye contact and nodding to show participation.

Where to seek help if it impacts your mental health?

Dealing with negative emotions that impact your mental well-being requires seeking assistance. Consider the following options:

Therapists: Licensed counsellors or psychologists can offer individualized strategies for professional support.
Support groups: Connecting with others facing similar challenges can create a sense of community and empathy.
Hotlines: Immediate assistance and crisis support are available through helplines provided by many organizations.
Online resources: Valuable information and opportunities for sharing experiences are offered on various websites.
Mental Health Care Plan: Comprehensive support, including access to necessary services, is available through programs like the Better Access Mental Health Care Plan.

In the twists and turns of life, it’s important to embrace the entire journey, not just the joyful moments. Toxic positivity may come across as a supportive advocate, but it often overlooks our true emotions, leaving us feeling isolated and estranged. By acknowledging and embracing the entire range of emotions – including both joy and sorrow – we can nurture a more genuine and supportive environment for ourselves and those around us. So, let’s abandon the pressure to always wear a smile and instead embrace the imperfect, beautiful reality of our humanity.

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