Health Info > Mental Health Published on : December 27, 2024

Toxic relationships during the holidays - how to cope?

Written by editorial staff writer at Hola.
Medically reviewed by Amira Shah, MA in Counselling Psychology, Registered Psychotherapist.

The holiday season is often seen as a time for celebration, family connection, and warm get-togethers. But for many, they can feel more like walking through a field of awkward exchanges, emotional triggers, and strained relationships. Whether it’s a judgmental family member, a manipulative partner, or a friend who continuously depletes your energy, the holiday season can exacerbate toxic dynamics. Instead of experiencing holiday cheer, you might end up feeling emotionally worn out and wondering how to navigate the season without losing your peace of mind. Knowing how to deal with these challenging relationships is essential for making the most of your holidays without sacrificing your peace.

Why are holidays hard on relationships?

The holidays can strain relationships due to added expectations, financial burdens, and the pressure to achieve the ‘ideal’ holiday experience. Extended family time can trigger old conflicts, while changed routines and a lack of personal space can make couples feel estranged. Moreover, emotional struggles like sorrow or stress can intensify tensions. With these pressures, misunderstandings and conflicts may happen, but clear communication and mutual understanding can help couples overcome these hurdles and keep their relationship strong during the holiday season.

Also read: Managing mental health around the holidays: Approved guide & tips

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Common triggers during the holidays

The holidays can be a joyful time, but they can also bring emotional challenges. Some common triggers during the holiday season include:

Family dynamics: During holiday gatherings, tensions or unresolved conflicts may re-emerge within families, resulting in heightened stress or emotional discomfort among members.
Loneliness: The holiday season can exacerbate feelings of isolation for individuals who lack close family connections or friendships, as well as for those who experience separation from loved ones.
Financial stress: The expectation to allocate funds for gifts, travel, or festive celebrations can create significant financial strain and anxiety for many individuals.
Grief and loss: The absence of a loved one, whether due to death or separation, may become particularly pronounced during the holiday period, leading to feelings of sadness and mourning.
Unrealistic expectations: Societal pressures to create a "perfect" holiday experience—characterised by joy, gifts, and celebrations—can foster feelings of inadequacy or disappointment among individuals.
Overwhelm: The demanding nature of the season, which includes numerous social engagements, travel obligations, and extensive planning, can result in considerable exhaustion and burnout.
Dietary or health concerns: For individuals managing health issues or adhering to dietary restrictions, the prevalence of food and the emphasis on indulgence during the holidays can pose stress.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD): The reduction in daylight hours and the onset of colder weather can lead to symptoms of depression or fatigue for certain individuals.

What is a toxic family member?

A toxic family member is defined as an individual whose consistent behaviour causes emotional harm or distress upon others within the family unit. Such individuals often display characteristics associated with manipulation, control, or abusive conduct, fostering a negative environment that may result in feelings of anxiety, guilt, or resentment among family members. Furthermore, these toxic individuals tend to exhibit a lack of empathy, frequently disregarding the needs and emotions of others, while simultaneously undermining or belittling their relatives. This behaviour may take the form of emotional abuse, persistent criticism, gaslighting, or emotional neglect. Although challenges are common in family dynamics, a toxic family member perpetually disrupts familial harmony, rendering relationships unhealthy. Consequently, it may be essential for individuals affected by such behaviours to establish clear boundaries and seek guidance from a counsellor or therapist to manage or diminish exposure to toxic behaviour effectively.

Also read: 10 Signs of a toxic relationship (and how to cope)

How to handle a toxic family during holidays?

How to handle toxic relationships during holidays

Handling a toxic family during the holidays can be challenging, but with preparation and boundaries, it's possible to protect your emotional well-being. Here are some strategies:

Set boundaries: It is essential to articulate clearly the behaviours that will not be tolerated and to communicate these boundaries in advance to family members. The approach should be assertive while maintaining a respectful demeanour.
Limit interaction duration: Whenever feasible, consider reducing the duration of interaction with family members deemed toxic. One may participate in events for a limited timeframe or organise activities with supportive individuals.
Limit exposure: During holiday gatherings, it is advisable to sidestep discussions that may escalate into heated disagreements. Should a conversation become uncomfortable, it is appropriate to excuse oneself from the dialogue in a composed manner.
Prioritise self-care: It is important to focus on personal well-being by engaging in activities that alleviate stress, which may include practices such as meditation, exercise, or spending time with individuals who provide support.
Seek support: Prior to or following the event, it is beneficial to confide in a friend, therapist, or trusted family member. This discussion can aid in processing emotions and obtaining a different perspective.
Develop an exit strategy: If the situation becomes overwhelming, it is prudent to have a strategy for leaving early. This may involve providing a valid excuse or arranging for transportation in advance.
Concentrate on positive engagement: Actively participate in conversations with family members who offer support and endeavour to discuss pleasant and neutral subjects to minimise tension.

Seeking help via mental health plan

Individuals seeking assistance may find that a mental health treatment plan offers customised support for therapy and counselling services. Such plans are specifically formulated to address particular mental health issues and to provide a systematic method for managing emotional well-being. To initiate this process, it is essential to evaluate personal needs and engage with a licensed professional to ensure the plan is consistent with one's objectives. Therapy sessions, coping strategies, and regular assessments can facilitate the monitoring of progress and provide ongoing support. Pursuing professional help through this type of plan represents a significant step toward understanding and enhancing one's mental health.

How can an online doctor help via telehealth?

Telehealth makes accessing mental health care simple and convenient. Through virtual consultations, an online doctor can:

Create a mental health care plan: Receive a tailored plan to support your mental well-being from AHPRA-registered medical practitioners, which 100% fully bulk billed.
Provide stress leave support: If work-related stress is affecting your health, obtain a valid stress leave medical certificate online without needing to visit a clinic.
Prescribe medications: Access online scripts for certain mental health medications, with the option for online pharmacy delivery at your convenience.
Offer guidance and support: Get expert advice to manage stress, anxiety, or other mental health challenges in a confidential setting.

For phone support call:

Lifeline – 13 11 14
Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636
Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467
Kids Help Line – 1800 55 1800
ADIS (alcohol and drug support) – 1800 177 833
In an emergency call 000.

Ultimately, the holidays should be about finding joy, not dealing with unnecessary drama. Establish boundaries, safeguard your peace, and don’t hesitate to distance yourself from toxic individuals. With proper self-care and a positive attitude, you can navigate challenging relationships and still enjoy the season—without letting anyone dampen your festive spirit!

Mental Health Care Plan

Connect with trained health practitioners anytime
Available 24 hours a day, all year round
100% Medicare bulk billed
Australia-wide

Request now

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